Call it what you want -- just don't call it boring. If you're struggling for a descriptor, call it a trailblazer, because the all-new 2012 Mini Coupe touts some significant brand firsts: It's the first Mini with room for only two; the first to have active aerodynamics, and the first to be engineered with what designers call a three-box structure. (More on this later.) And here comes the biggie: Nearly everything about this Mini -- particularly in sportier John Cooper Works form -- is honed specifically for "optimum performance" and supposedly entertains drivers "even better" than the rest of the lineup.
In the flesh, the Mini Coupe is a car that makes you go, "Hmmm." Its design takes some getting used to, which isn't necessarily a good thing. But it is unmistakably Mini. Nothing can really prepare you for its smushed A-pillar, wraparound rear glass, and intriguing ba-donk-a-donk. (Yes, gentlemen, you can put a drink on this "Grand Turismo-style" booty and it won't topple over.) OK, I take that back. Maybe a Red Bull marketing car equipped with cute co-eds and a ginormous mock beverage could serve as adequate preparation. But that's about it.
Like other similarly equipped Minis, the JCW edition dons a wardrobe fit for the circuit. Aggressive fascias fore, aft, and at its flanks replace the more sedate versions. Bigger 17-inch alloys, a 0.4-inch lower spring height, sturdier anti-roll bars, central exhaust, and bigger (12.4-inch front, 11.0-inch rear) brakes differentiate the Coupe from other siblings, while also upping its athleticism. An integrated roof spoiler set at the latter half of its contrasting "helmet" directs air down to an active rear spoiler that rises at 50 mph. Both provide 88 pounds of additional downforce while travelling at the Coupe's electronically limited 149 mph top speed. Having all that push to the ground has does have a negative effect, mostly in the form of a slightly higher drag coefficient that's up to 0.35 versus a slipperier 0.33 of the base Cooper hardtop. If you're wondering, no Coupe can be had with a color-matched helmet.
Aside from the JCW bits, the Coupe also touts a new three-box body structure, meaning it's specifically segmented for different purposes -- engine compartment, passenger space, and cargo area -- unlike other Minis that meld two of the three. Compared to the base Mini Cooper hardtop, the JCW Coupe is 0.4 inches longer (147 inches) and 0.9 inches squatter (54.5 inches), but its width and wheelbase remain the identical at 66.3 inches and 97.1 inches, respectively. Its A-pillar gets slanted a further 13 degrees to help it achieve its sleek, skinny profile. The JCW tipped our scales at 2707 pounds, a 172-pound gain over a stick-shift-equipped base edition (claimed weight of 2535 pounds).
But as we immediately found out with a flick of its thick three-spoke helm, that extra mass doesn't translate into notorious love handles - it's more high-density muscle than anything else. With 208 horses and 198 lb-ft created by its twin-scroll turbocharged 1.6-liter four-cylinder (the same direct-injection unit used by much of the Mini lineup), the Coupe had enough grunt to run our figure-eight course in 26.2 seconds at an average lateral load of 0.69 g. No other car of its kind -- if there such a thing -- comes close to that time, and few front-drivers can compete with its near-telepathic responsiveness and maneuverability.
On our skidpad it averaged a lateral stick of 0.88 g, which isn't shabby for something rolling on Mentos-sized 205/45-17 run-flat rubber. A requisite sprint to 60 mph from nil took 6.2 seconds, while the longer quarter-mile trot knocks 14.6 seconds off the stopwatch at 97.5 mph. Only 110 feet are needed to stop the Coupe from 60 mph, thanks to its svelte physique and those aforementioned big binders. But contrary to what Mini's marketing squad proclaims, this isn't the quickest Mini we've tested. The turbocharged R55-series JCW Clubman holds that honor with a run to 60 mph in 5.7 seconds.
So, what exactly makes the Coupe special, other than it being a coupe?
First, it stands alone as a footwork master among a group of surefooted siblings. The sole act of applying power more effectively via stiffer, thicker, robust, mostly aluminum suspension components individualizes the two-seater from its other brandmates. Its miniscule 1.6-liter's all-too-familiar turbo lag (albeit minimal) continues its tenure, but once the thrilling 207 lb-ft of sub-2000 rpm overboost torque is dialed in, and the smooth power band gets tapped with 3000-rpm-plus six-speed Getrag throws, the zealous Coupe runs, jinks, and grips like nothing else bred in Oxford.
Toss it one way to feel the suspension bolster the car's weight securely while the skinny rubber hanging below desperately tries to stick with all of its ability. A change of direction makes for another poised corner attack with no loss in velocity and only minimal plowing. It may have an English bulldog stance, but the handling eagerness is all Jack Russell terrier. It's as if the JCW Coupe is a Cooper S with Red Bull coursing through its veins - it's edgier on nearly all levels.
Of course, the most fun is had with all nannies switched to their lowest settings, or off, and Sport mode engaged. (It remaps throttle response and provides a weightier Electronic Power Steering.) Speaking of nannies, there are quite a few to mention, including Dynamic Stability Control, Dynamic Traction Control, and Electric Differential Lock Control, all standard on the JCW. Amazingly, torque steer has been reduced to next-to-nil levels thanks to Mini's tinkerers.
The Coupe retains the usual menagerie of Mini-styled interior buttons and flair, but to a lesser, more attractive degree. Say thank you to the monochromatic color schemes for that. The cartoonish speedometer stays at its center stage position atop the dash; so, too, does the tachometer behind the comfortable steering wheel. But Mini's somewhat tricky multimedia interface remains. To its credit, Mini has been working hard to make everything simpler with custom iPhone/iPod/Android integration programs like Mini Connected.
Despite its two-seat configuration, there is no shortage of storage space inside the Coupe. No rear seat means space for a useful recessed shelf behind the front buckets. A small net on the central tunnel near the passenger's feet serves as a convenient place for little items. An 8-inch-tall pass-through leads directly into the 9.8-cubic foot trunk for on-the-fly access or the hauling of extra-long cargo. Wide or tall things will have forgo the Coupe's cargo cubby -- by our estimates, two carry-on roller boards can fit snugly inside the Coupe's area. Unfortunately, a small bit of wind noise at the top half of the door jambs became known during highway runs. And those run-flats, although useful, produce rumbling over coarse pavement.
It's not often we agree with marketers, but of all the current-generation Minis, the JCW Coupe is the most entertaining Mini I've driven. It isn't its speed, everyday usability, or fashionable design that makes it so. Rather, the Coupe's high grip, punchy powered, and overexcited personality fused with usual Mini cheekiness earns it the title. It's the type of car that's sure to get most any driver's blood flowing, and one Mini you'll never want unbuckle from.
